I cried at our men's weekend.

Now don't panic, it wasn't that kind of weekend. We didn't become "new men," get in touch with our feelings and howl in each others arms leaving shoulders covered in snot.

We had a laugh, listened to some challenging talks, went on walks and bike rides, made eejits out of ourselves, went to the pub, played pool and table tennis and even invented new games.

And at the end of it all I bawled my eyes out. Me, the guy at the front, meant to be holding it all together and for a minute I could barely get a word out.

In a way it reminded me of another time. A time 20 years ago when a similar thing happened.

I don't have a "conversion story." Unlike many I don't have the precise day and hour that I "Became a Christian." It's not a grinding my heels in because I'm a catholic (and therefore was one since my baptism,) either. I honestly don't remember a time when I didn't talk to God as a friend and guide.

As a child the dialogue was I'm sure inane but as the years went on it grew and even in the years where I tried to run away from him I ironically never stopped talking to him. I was angry with him, disappointed that he'd not delivered the amazing life that Christianity seemed to promise but of his power and presence I remained convinced and I prayed for others, wanting the best for them but huffing and refusing to ask for anything for me because I was convinced he'd tired of me.

I didn't say it made sense, adolescence rarely does. Being convinced that the world doesn't understand your needs but being utterly lost as to what your needs actually are is an odd time. I see my time running from God as a spiritual adolescence. A time where I learned to own the faith I had, to fight God and learn to love him as only friends that have managed to weather storms together can.

One thing I do have in my back story is a memory of the time that I first felt like I belonged and that God gave a crap about me.

I can remember the date of that one, I can remember what day of the week it was and what time it was and who was there. I guess that's the moment you're looking for and I did promise my life to him then but in a way I kind of always felt it was his.

To understand why it got to me I guess I need to say it was about loneliness. We heard a statistic at the weekend that said the highest cause of death in the UK among males aged 18-30 was suicide and I guess sometimes people end it all because they feel alone, whatever family or friend circumstances exist it's easy to stand in a room full of 100 people and feel like you're the only person in the world.

Erwin McManus of Mosaic in California recently spoke personally of being a husband and father in a family that bring him great joy but how even in that place at times loneliness sits on him like a crushing weight and he sometimes just needs to hear the voices of those he loves to remind himself that those people are still in the world. It's not insecurity, it's not neediness but sometimes and I think for a lot of us, myself included the lie of loneliness knocks on the door and sits there unable to be shifted.

That moment, 20 years ago now was a time when I first felt like I belonged. I connected with a bunch of people of faith. I connected with people who were heading a certain direction with one purpose and in a smaller way than yesterday I cried a little bit.

As our weekend came to a close yesterday it washed over me like a tidal wave. I just felt that for some of us finding that place to belong is an amazing feeling. It doesn't detract from the great family and friends that may be around us, it doesn't mean that they've failed but I reckon it means that there was a yearning there to be part of something bigger. To be part of something with direction and purpose and to know that people are behind you.

The main word that came to us from our speaker Owen Crane was that God rarely tells us to go. He rarely commands and tells people to start great initiatives they come from the heart. Like a toddler wandering in front of a parent the whole world is Yes, until the father says No.

My tears came yesterday because I just felt like something was released. I know I was standing in a room of guys with heart and passion and ideas and I think they just got permission to go for it and stop waiting on God to tell them to do it in person.

All pretence was gone. We'd had a talent evening the night before. Everyone in a team and every team had to do a 2 minute skit of a movie or TV programme or song for the rest of us to guess. We threw open the floor and asked people to share whatever they would like and people sang songs, told stories and did other silly stuff that I'm hurting from laughing at.

I knew there was songs in peoples hearts that they wanted to sing, I knew there was stories to be told that we'd not heard and I know there's dreams just waiting to be realised by people that were waiting on the yes and I'm excited to see them emerge.

As the guy at the front and on behalf of the team I only hope that we can help you realise them. My thinking cap is on and my ears are open but when the ideas come, chances are we'll just do it. Because it could be a long time waiting on the Yes.

I had another chance to speak last month. I had free reign to speak at a service primarily aimed at young adults so I picked the theme, "When God is silent"

 You'll find it here.

I was home in Ireland for a bit last month. It's weird no matter how far away I get from there or how settled I become elsewhere I always find myself referring to it as home.

A friend who lives away and has done for a long time once described how going home was difficult and I understood to a degree but I think this visit I realised that it actually gets harder.

You may have heard it said about certain friends that no matter how long it's been since you've seen them that you just pick up where you left off and it's great.

I have many such friends but it's the other ones that I realised when I was home that I was losing touch with which is hard.

Other friends, and they're no less friends for it need more time. It's just a people thing. Some folks are just wired different. They need an evening, an afternoon, a cup of tea or a meal and then the story begins again, the journey flows.

This is the hard thing really. I just found that over 2 years down the line that there were so many people I have missed out on seeing all the times I was home and so many people I'd only grabbed minutes with and I know there's a story I'm missing out on, I know I'm losing out.

It's saddest really because there's really nothing you can do about it other than accept it. I found it quite tough to be in a place where there was so much I wanted to do, so many people I wanted to reconnect with but absolutely no time to do it. In a way, it's easy to feel like you've short changed everybody and when you've chosen to go see one person it's at the expense of others.

In a way I kind of felt it scriptural where it said about a man being a slave to two masters. He will hate one and love the other.

It's not that I feel a slave to anywhere or that I hate anywhere but it's a tricky one. When I live somewhere I settle. I put down roots for the time I'm there and I guess I just felt a tension as my heart pulled in two directions. Knowing that England was now home, that my wife, our house, our friends and our life was here it was difficult to walk away.

It's good to be back here, good to be in the place where I belong for now. Good to unpack and just be.

Accepting how things are doesn't mean forgetting, it does mean you still make the phone calls, still try to keep in touch, still share your journey as best you can but realise that although some people fade from the picture they're never really gone and to learn to be thankful for any time you may actually get with them instead of mourning that there can't be more.

I've had something on my mind lately and it's managed to stick around long enough to warrant putting down. I only hope I can concentrate on things long enough to get it down in black and white.

I don't do politics but I feel drawn to comment on the recent Robinson's debacle back in Northern Ireland and it's not for reasons I've heard expressed already but because of this.

I've heard rumours of what church they attend and I've heard rumours that said church are now seeking to distance themselves from the Robinson's in light of their infidelity and impropriety.

You can understand why. God knows there's enough "bad Christians" out there that we don't need anymore associated with our number. From a purely marketing point of view having this pair in your congregation is a bad move.

On a little tangent I made a comment on Facebook recently about hating our Christmas day service. It was mental, madness, long and for the first time in my life I wished I'd been at mass. Now in the same breath I expressed that I know church is not about me, it's about reaching out and if Christmas day is the one time when people come to a church then why not do something different to raise questions, to provoke a response to send people off pondering the place as opposed to just delivering the pleasant Christmas service to be forgotten about until the next year.

Honestly, who cares if I didn't like it? Church isn't about me, it's about reaching out it's not about doing what is expected.

As I pondered the idea of a church turning their back on sinners the notion of it grated with me. If we do that then who are we here for? Are we allowed to choose the sinners we embrace and reject those who we think should've known better?

Yes it may be tough and unthinkable to sit with the criminal in jail, to clean up the tramp in the street and give them food but at least it's acceptable to do so. Jesus never did the acceptable, he booted out the taboo and in a land of lost, broken and hurting people he chose to dine in the house of a prominent tax collector.

Sound familiar?

I don't particularly like Peter Robinson. I grew up on the wrong side of the fence to share any of his ideals and whereas most of the politicians in later years showed a humanity and humour about themselves I don't think Peter ever did. I didn't even know Iris existed until she launched her hate campaign.

But it's not about liking. It's easy for me to sit here as I have done these last months, a little disengaged from things and say this but how much more radical is it to embrace the corrupt, to do that which most people would retch at the mere notion of?

Yes as Christians we're already on the back foot, the world already sees us as affluent and corrupt. In terms of religions we are that successful older brother who wins at everything so even when they're doing well you find it hard to be happy for them.

Brian Heasley of 24-7 prayer in Ibiza says "When was the last time your character was called into question because of the company you keep?" He says that because Jesus kept the company of the wicked, the corrupt, the unclean etc.

I'm just stirring the pot here, I'm just asking the question do we get to chose the sinners we get to love and be seen as moral and honourable or do we sit with people in their sin and shame and love them just like Jesus did.

I hope if I'm ever in those shoes that I chose to extend the hand, screw the marketing because every one of us is corrupt so why do we get to draw the line and decide who's lovable and who's not?

By the way, healthwise scans are all clear which is a relief but I'm still none the wiser to why i'm not 100%

And Happy New Year to you all.

Last week I had an experience that I'm struggling to find words for but I'll attempt here and see how it goes.

Abi and I came down with some sort of lurgy, Abi more so than me. One of the days as I lay with her, wishing I could make it all better I started to pray. I opened up the internal dialogue that's been running for as long as I can remember and found to my complete and utter shock that I'd nothing to say.

I described it to someone as being like meeting an old friend whom you had a wonderful history with but haven't seen in a few years and finding you had nothing whatsoever in common anymore.

I didn't instantly fall apart, I didn't need to unpack it there and then. With my headaches etc I find it easy to drift from one train of thought to another without even knowing the one I left behind.

This thought however just wouldn't leave, the thought that something big had escaped, something vital was slipping away and I began to ponder a life without actively putting God at the centre.

I'd ignored God before, I'd run away, fingers in my ears like the petulant child but anytime before when I wanted to talk to him the words came, the conversation started in earnest but this was new. Words were no more, nothing was there. It seemed that 3 months of not being very Don were taking their toll.

I told Abi. Told her that I felt like I was in mourning, told her I felt numb, that I felt a loss and that tears were near but that none would come.

I did run with the concept though. I did let my mind contemplate what our life would be like if I had no faith. I wondered what we would do, who our friends would be, I knew that some from church would stay in touch but that others with the best intentions in the world would fall off the radar if we didn't see them around.

In all of this I wasn't too upset, it was like it all wasn't real, I've described these last few months as being like in a sort of coma. The crisis (although it didn't feel like one,) seemed to be happening out there in the real world where it couldn't reach me.

I knew though without any emotion that my faith was the core of who I am. I knew beyond doubt that faith was so fundamental to Abi and my journey together. I knew that who we are in God is a large part of what attracted us to each other.

I guess that it was this knowledge that got me to ask others apart from Abi to pray for me. It's not right to just ask one person alone to carry such a task as praying against a loss of faith I think.

I spared no details in where I was, didn't gloss over, didn't pretend it was just a little doubt. I said as much like I was in mourning and no tears were coming.

Then on Saturday night, unable to sleep I got up and started burning an audio book onto my computer to put on my mp3 player. While doing that I saw this quote on a friend's profile on facebook.

I'll praise you in this storm, 
and I will lift my hands,
for You are who You are, 
no matter where I am,
and every tear I've cried,
You hold in your hand, 
You never left my side, 
and though my heart is torn,
I will praise You in this storm

I could unpack it word by word, tell you what it meant in detail but somehow I knew that God was listening and despite this coma-like existence at the minute that he was still there, that our journey was ongoing and we'd battle through again.

Sunday dawned and for the first time in months I felt well enough to handle people. I felt I needed to be at church, wanted to sing and be around our church family again so off we went. I sang like I hadn't sang in months, felt happy to be there and when Abi stepped out of the room for a minute I opened my mouth wide to belt out the chorus and instead my shoulders dropped and tears fell like they've not done in some time.

It was like a release, it was like emotion finally came back. Like my heart woke up again and I let the tears fall. They only lasted a moment but what came out had been waiting a long time.

So a couple of days on my head still hurts. I was in church today meeting some folks and it's taken a lot out of me as it has been doing these last months but I'm not as fearful as I have been.

The next date in the "healing" process is still a long way off and will only be a stop gap between scans I'm guessing but for now at least the real journey is back on track with a promise that we'll weather the storms ahead and come through.

I think I'm mostly writing this for me but I'll act like it's for someone to try and give it some purpose.

For the second September / October in a row I'm off sick. Last year it was with a broken toe. Pretty self explanatory. Toe broke, can't walk too much can't work. This time around it's a little vague and my hopes of actually completing writing this piece aren't too high if the truth be told.

This time it's headaches. Yes I hear you cry, "boo hoo, poor little thing has a sore head, who hasn't?"

I feel the same way.

Had them for ages now though, varied my diet thinking it was sinuses, got an incredibly thorough eye exam, got new glasses and then after all that the big ones arrived.

Now when I say big ones I mean ones so bad that I couldn't lie down because all that was there was the pain. The better option seemed to be staying awake doing anything to try and distract myself from the pain. Often I'd slide off the sofa and curl up in a ball on the floor just praying it would all go away.

That's when I decided it was time to bother the Doc about stupid headaches.

I've been off work 2 months now. That initial pain hasn't returned to the same degree but it's still here, still a lingering presence right at the base of the skull where headaches don't usually go. Sometimes creeping up the back of the head and over the crown.

Not fun.

You see in terms of pain it's now bearable for the most part. I'm functioning pretty well. I can cook, clean, do washing, nip into the shop if I need something but the world has become 16 colours. Like I described to someone recently it's like living in an awake coma.

Don't get me wrong there is actual cause for investigation. An MRI has mercifully ruled out a tumour but hints at a possible aneurysm, which is unlikely to be the cause of the pain but a concern no less. The Doc agrees that being in charge of a 40 tonne wagon with a possible neurological defect is maybe not the best thing in the world.

So here's where I lose the plot. I can't describe my mind these days. I can't concentrate on anything of import at all. All the things I held in my head and could have pondered on for ages seem lost and that bothers me. It's almost like a complete lack of personality and If nothing else I like being me.

I'm still a presence online, throwing my usual inane comments around on Facebook and saying Hi once in a while but I struggle with anything of depth and as for social situations above 3 or 4 people then forget about it. I just feel totally overwhelmed.

I'm all about the process, all about the journey and in the midst of this I can see nothing that's growing, nothing being nurtured, no lessons being learned and it annoys me greatly. Any periods of silence that I wrote of before are not filled drawing closer to God they are just empty.

Sitting here at the mercy of NHS appointments I just want my mind back, want my passion for things to return, want at least one creative thing to spark off inside my head.  My little plasticine figures sit on top of my TV like decorations, I try to think of something I could do with them and then my mind wanders somewhere else in an instant.

I've sat out meetings of projects I'm involved in and some even I should have led because at the minute I just feel like I've nothing whatsoever to bring.

So that's where I'm at. Don't know why I needed to write it, maybe I was hoping that I'd find an answer or explanation staring at it in print but like most deep thought these days it eludes me.

I'm hoping the next scan comes quickly, I'm hoping it can provide some answers but generally I'm hoping for my mind and passion and personality back. I never thought I'd say it but I miss me!

I made this.

A good friend remarked lately that the best stuff I write is the stuff I put on here.

Which was either a nice compliment or a thinly veiled jibe at my overall ineptness. I hope it was the former!

I guess for the last while I've been robbed of the desire to write due to the onslaught of Facebook. Instead of a nicely pondered few paragraphs summing up a thread of consciousness life becomes a constant narrative of inane or surreal "Status Updates."

Now don't get me wrong I enjoy it, I like summing up a situation in a sentence, leaving its interpretation to others, inviting comment from those with something to add and of course it's a good place to moan when you need to shout at the world for a bit.

Getting back on the road last week reawakened my love of listening to teachings via podcast. I can't do it at home because there's just too many distractions.

Randomly two unconnected churches gave messages on the passage that says words along the lines of "The voice of God was not in the Earthquake, not in the Thunder but in the silence."

Now, I felt insanely convicted by this. Both talks mentioned how bad we are at doing silence. Me especially so, being out of work but waiting by the phone I tend to do anything to drown out the silence. Playstation on the TV, TV minimised in a window at the top of my computer screen, Facebook, Myspace (for comedians and musician purposes,) and email opened in other windows. My phone sitting idly by for a quick game of Tetris in case anything on the Playstation took longer than 2 seconds to load and I needed something to pass the time.

As you can imagine, enough was enough. But technological detox is not as easy as it seems. I've actually managed to pick up some work through Facebook which is an easy excuse to stay on but the more I thought about it I figured that as an exercise in listening it was time to switch it off.

It's funny but as you instigate the steps to leave Facebook pulls some random pics of your friends and says, "Tom will miss you, Abi will miss you etc."

Was a touching thought but I left anyway.

It's been unreal just how much I think about it. Mad just how almost every thing I encountered was narrated in a little soundbite to share with my online friends. Maybe there's something just inheritably wrong about that. Isn't wanting to share absolutely everything you go through with someone an indicator of "LOVE?"

When you have someone in your life that means everything to you you want to share all you feel and think with them. Now I'm not going to diss Facebook totally and I do intend to return there soon after this helpful interlude but I do wonder about those who grow up with things like it as the norm. Those who process EVERYTHING with the soundbite. Is there anything left to share with someone special?

Conversly though, I know there's a new breed that relate that way and seeing someone's daily soundbites could be the most attractive thing to someone else so really who am I to comment?

Anyway, back to my own story. Despite the effort required to avoid logging back on, despite missing the little red flag popping up in the bottom corner of my screen telling me I have a new comment or something. Despite these and other things I've loved this week.

I don't have any outcome, any results to show you but I honestly have just needed the quiet. I've spent hours in the house with no TV on, no computer on and it's been great. I've pondered many things and I've no answers yet but have discovered the joy of thinking again.

One of the things I've reflected on is the ministry I've been asked to take on in our church. I've been asked by an almost 70 year old former elder in our church to take over our men's ministry from him and after a lot of thought and prayer and talking to Abi I said yes.

The goal, or vision in my heart for it is that we smash the divide. My goal is that once again we give our old men permission to speak into the lives of the youth. Also it is to ask our young men to once again draw deeply from the wisdom and experience of those many more years down the road than them.

I've a foot in both camps at the minute and looking left to right I find myself thinking will this ever happen. I see the benefits of both, I see the richness that comes from sharing a journey from different perspectives and I just wonder can I bridge the gap.

I had to give a presentation on a chapter from a book a while back and it was about "calling." One of the things it mentions is that a calling is always God sized! It's often something far too big for you to do on your own strength and that's why it's scary. Every biblical character that ever had a true calling was overwhelmed by it.

Chairing our mens ministry committee meetings and listening to the different feelings, and personalities and thinking about the people we want to engage with I'm enjoying learning to be the diplomat but in terms of the task ahead I feel smaller than my actual size which is small indeed.

One of the podcasts I listened to pointed out that every time Jesus withdrew to a quiet place he came back and did something miraculous. It was like he recharged, connected really with a greater power and came back ready tom move on.

I'm hoping for a little of that. I've enjoyed this week, I will do it again. I've appreciated things more, experienced things more. Abi has noticed a change in me for the better and I've noticed it too.

One of our ministers was quoted this week as saying, "You'll connect with God because you are purposefully setting out to meet him."

Have I audible words in my ears from him? No.

But the art of listening is a great pursuit and I only hope I continue to nurture and practise it because even if you're not out to meet God, in the words of Ferris Bueller,

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it!"

Go on, turn off Facebook, learn where the off switch on your phone is, (not just the silent key.) If you feel like being completely radical turn off the TV and computer too and try silence for a minute.

As one of the podcasts stated, "There is no such thing as failure, if you only manage to do it for a minute then great! You did it for a minute. Maybe next time you'll last two and next time........"

I'm easing my way back. Today is a TV day, but what a day. Hungarian Grand Prix, (get well soon Felipe,) final of the Tour de France and then Top Gear. And tomorrow when the full week is done I'll go back on Facebook and catch up and hopefully realise that it's okay to ignore it for a bit.

Lately I've been dabbling in the world of the media again. Mainly passing things to infitely better skilled people than me and doing whatever needs done.

It's been fun though and hopefully a taste of what may come but who knows.

Abi and I were down helping on one shoot and I went down again and helped on a longer one on "The Napoleon Complex."

We'd not been part of the initial shoot or collaborative writing process so it was somewhat surreal to try and pick up a thread of story so to speak

All along we said to friends when talking about it, "We've no idea whether the finished product will be funny or not but as a shoot to be on it was hilarious."

Filming a chef and a "Bond Girl," chasing a Blue Monster through the streets of Camden with a crossbow was definitely a highlight.

So here's a trailer featuring the fabulous Napoleon Ryan. He was Ray in the Hoosiers video for "Seriously worried about Ray," amongst other things and a great bloke to boot.

There's loads more pics and vids on my facebook if you know me and want to look me up then fire ahead.

In the scene where the guy in the dark suit introduces the green sock puppet then that was played by me. Onlythen, vocally and all other times he's played by another top bloke called Owen Morse.

It's due to be on OHTV Sky channel 199 at the end of June (ish) and I'm looking forward to it.

Bye for now, oh and if you are an iSnob and were offended by my last blog then please read again. Apart from a nod toward the inadequacies of the iPhone I don't think I said a bad word against Apple. They're great. What I have is great for me too. I was just looking you to understand that.

Okay, now this one has been brewing for years so hold on to your hats!

Firstly before I begin I have many friends that own apple products, they love them, they appreciate the benefit that they bring to their lives, they use them, admire their aesthetics, switch it off and like the rest of it get on with living!

I don't write this for them, I write this for the iSnobs! You know who they are and as you're reading you may know that you are one and already be reeling in the realisation that this article may be about to say some unpleasant things about you.

Actually I can see you already, your million and one tried and tested jibes and jokes about us mere mortals using inferior equipment at the ready just waiting for a gap in conversation so you can blurt one out, you're not even really reading this, you're already composing your witty comment that you'll add to this which in your mind will surpass any words here.

But for those with ears to hear let me continue.

For a long time I thought I had no retort. I tried liking it to evangelists and whilst annoying I couldn't fault your missionary zeal. You clearly believe beyond reason that you are right and that EVERYONE else in existence is wrong.

As a, "sit back and share the journey and accept people where they're at," kind of evangelist I couldn't relate but figured you probably had a point but now I'm ready to speak up.

I'm guessing that you think that by belittling and patronising those of us not in your club that you think we are shamed and in reality cannot wait to join you?

In truth I for one think you a pack of elitist idiots that I can barely stand to be around and your incessant refusal to accept that something else may actually just work for people is wearisome at best and at worst poison to the world's sub-conscious!

I'll get off the fence one of these days and tell you how I really feel.

Here's the cold hard facts.

I'm broke.

My laptop has a spec that in todays terms is pretty darn good. Actually it has things that the equivalent Apple will never have and it is at least a third of the price.

Starting into the world of laptop ownership I considered an apple, actually relished the prospect of learning a new operating system and they are undeniably beautiful but quite simply to get something that could do all I wanted to, I COULDN'T AFFORD IT!

In our credit happy world perhaps it was worth getting into debt for yours but I got mine off a shelf, walked out with it, it has a 3 year warranty and is great.

So here's back to the evangelist threaed. Most of the iSnob's I know are Christians. Over time their actions have come across not as mild mannered banter but serious judgementalism on my life choices and have driven me to nevermind being drawn to their cause but more so repelled by their elitist snobbery and bigotry.

Guys, your iBook's Ipod's etc are pretty, functional, fabulous and great. There I said it. Not through gritted teeth but honestly. They are! I'd be foolish and a liar to say otherwise.

They are though not for me, too expensive, too tied into one almighty organisation, tying me to forever use iProducts. You can't play games on them and spending large part of my life on the road I like having "one" thing in my bag that does everything.

Same for the iPhone, a completely, unequivocably beautiful and amazing piece of engineering. Stunning to look and play with.

Do I want one?

No!

An honest friend who loves his iPhone and is a complete member of the apple family says as a phone it's actually crap!

That's not why I don't want one. It's back to the all in one thing. I like having a great mp3 player, great phone, great camera, (as far as phones go anyway!) great video camera and web browser in my pocket all the time. I like thinking that if Motorola (I know Hell will freeze over first) bring out one then I'll be able to put all my music onto it.

It's also too big and I know I'd break an iPhone within a week. My ownphone has fallen from the cab, a 10 feet drop at least 5 times this last year and it's still working.

And as the title says I raise one finger to you apple folk because to operate my phone that does all the iPhone does and more all it takes is 1 finger.

I can hold it in the palm of one hand, operate 99% of its functions with my thumb and with my free hand reach for my breakfast spoon or my cold beer. I don't need 2 fingers to do something as mundane as zoom in on a map or picture and if I do then I'll set said beer down for a second and knock myself out before reaching for it a few minutes later.

Also when it's cold and I have gloves on, all features of my phone are still available to my warm gloved hands.

You did ask?

In conclusion, some things just work for people. You may not agree with them, honestly it may turn your stomach but can you just learn to keep your thoughts to yourself, get to know the human inside and accept that sometimes other things just work for people.

It's the ideal I try to live by and I find I make more friends that way.

You should try it sometime.